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It is such, to miss the person you had grown fond of, developed a friendship with, and made memories with. Share just enough of yourself with that key person that your everyday life will always remind you of them. A laugh, a cry. Perhaps a song, or a book. It could be a color you both shared or an interest. A joke that grew to hold such a pleasant meaning that the story hardly does the wonderful memory justice. It could be how you held a fork, or a pencil, or how you both felt as you watched a movie or show together. Maybe how you argued about a specific character and what they mean in that universe. The ideas and experiences that you shared are ingrained with that person's memory. Forever.
It's not so confusing. And you could almost say it is absolutely horrible to feel it.
Almost.
Their memory washes over you. It practically drowns you. You gasp, you stop. You try to pace yourself and your emotions as you know the jab of realizing they aren't around is going to hit you. They aren't there. They are utterly out of reach for... any reasons at all. Then it resonates in your mind and soul. The vibration of the sound of their... laughter. You adore them. You miss them. You swear a few wishes and smile. You hate something, but it isn't them. You try to think back to the bad moments shared with them to find anger... but you fail. You just fucking miss them.
And so, you let their memory distract you. Your heart becomes heavy and you remember to breathe again. So many things you wanted and still want to share and experience with them... dreams. Painfully pleasant ones.
They have your heart.
And you have them within you.
You thank life for being so cruel.
Because it would not be possible to feel the cruelty of their memory, if you didn't long for, and desired everything pleasant that you shared with them.
Some of us are lucky in getting more than just moments to look back on.
And those that hope to god they are those memories to someone, when they are present, make some even luckier still.
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